Hey, guys! Long time no see! It's been such a long time since I've talked to you guys~ and so much has happened since then. I just wanted to update you guys and maybe come back? ah, i don't know!

So, first thing. The last time I updated you all, was on my birthday and I'd just started my internship in Merodea. Now almost four months later, here I am! So I'm just going to go over all the things that's happened:

You know what this post is, don't you? As the year ends, these kinds of posts are everywhere in our feed. I know it, you know it. But it doesn't change the fact that they're helpful and interesting to read. So, I hope you enjoy this!

It's pretty common knowledge that 2016 has been a shitty year; from the US elections to Carrie Fisher dying. It's been pretty suck-y and we're all super excited to start a new year, whether it's going to be better or worse, we'll just have to see. But, it's good to have hope!

Anyway! This year for me has been pretty good. One of the most important experiences this year was when I travelled for the first time and visited my friend in Indiana. For there we went to the Coldplay concert in Chicago and King's Island in Ohio. It's one of the most fun I've ever had and I can't wait to travel again. I was going to make a post all about it when I first got back in July, and it's still sitting in my drafts, but I guess I didn't have a motivation to do it? lol!

In other news, I also started my second year of University and took my first film class. Earlier this year, during my second semester of my first year, I decided to change my major from TV Production to Film. It's by far my favorite class this past semester and I worked super hard on it so I'm proud that I got an A on it. I'm hopeful that this coming second semester will be greater and I'll do an even greater job~ yay!

Before talking about my hopes for the new year, the last thing that's important that happened in 2016 was that I made a Youtube channel. I'm sure you all know by now and are subscibed (and if you're not, you really should lol!), but Merzy's Corner was a ton of fun to do and edit! I haven't uploaded anything new in a long time but I'm hoping to invest in some lighting/ring light so I can finally film. I used to rely on natural lighting but since moving, my room is very dark so that won't do!

So! Here's some of my goals for 2017:

• Stay focused on school and plan to travel abroad for 2018.
• Start and finish my LGBT documentary I've been planning for a while now.
• Read more books.
• Write, write, write, write, write.
• Be more consistent on this blog and focus more on things I like. (fandom stuff)
• Find a job. 
• Be more organized (with planners and stuff)

And I think that's pretty much it! I'm sure there are other things I should focus on for the new year but I think these would do for now. Don't want to put too much pressure on myself, you know? Let me know what are some of the most exciting and positive things you did this year and what your new year goals are! Don't forget to follow me on bloglovin', you never know when I'm about to post, not even I do! lol! Hope you babes have a very happy new year! See you, soon!

I have lost my mojo.

And I've lost it for a while now.

I've lost it for my blog. I've lost it for my youtube. I've lost it for my writing. I've lost it for, what I feel like is, everything in my life except university.

I am just always tired. And I've been tired for years now. I wish I could change and I'm trying to, but I don't know how.

I know that depression is a part of it, possibly a big one, but my depression doesn't look like how it did two years ago or even  a year ago. So, I don't know how to go about it.

I have plans... I want to do things, but I am just... so tired that I can't.

I don't like my blog anymore. I don't enjoy it. There's so much preassure to post weekly, to tweet regularly, to promote, to post on facebook regularly and so much more. You need a good topic, perfect picture quality, viewers, comments, you need everything. And I've had this blog for a year now... and I don't have the views or the followers that I expected to have at this point. And now that it's because I'm not doing things right. More than that, though... because I made this blog a beauty and fashion one, you need money and you need to buy things. And anyone tells you that you don't have to is lying, because you need to buy the popular new things, especially in makeup, to stay revelant and popular and gain an audience. Because of this, I've become dependent on buying things. I get on slump if I don't buy anything for a certain period of time and I get happy when I do, even I don't need it... and I have so much makeup that I don't need and probably wouldn't buy if I didn't have this blog. I've used this as excuse to buy things and that's a big problem.

Youtube has become the same thing... I'm using it to buy new things. So I can have new video ideas. And I'm so tired of it.

Speaking of youtube... I've loved youtube and have watched youtubers for a long time now. I've been waiting to make one myself for a while too. At first, I enjoyed it. But the more and more videos I did, the worst I felt about it. And it's because... they don't look like I want them to look. I get so frustrated with myself, for having bad lighting, for not being a good enough editor, not having good enough ideas and so much more. And while I'm filming my videos, I just think to myself: "Who would ever watch this?"

 I don't think I'll be quitting youtube because I can get better, I do believe that, but my blog.... I don't know what to do with that. With this. I don't know what you guys want to read, I don't really know what I want to write. And the reality is, you need to these things regularly, but I just... won't. University is tiring and I spent the rest of the days I have free, sleeping or homework. I don't think I can juggle all of this and youtube with this blog. I still think I'll use it. Just... not regularly. Which is, what I've been doing. There's still some posts I have to make soon that have been waiting in my drafts for literally a month now, maybe even more. They will see the light of day, I know that, but I won't promise anything.

I hope you guys understand what I'm saying because I don't know if I'm explaining this right.

Another thing... is my ideas. I have lost my passion for a while now. I used to be so motivated and so ready for my future to arrive so I could do all the things that I wanted to! To write all of my stories! To have the knowledge that I needed! And now that I have it, I don't ever feel like it and I don't have the inspiration or know what to write about, it's the most frustrating feeling ever.

I don't know how to fix it and I wish I could. Everyone in my university are doing all these things and they're pursuing their dreams, with the same resources that I have, but they're actually doing it! And when I asked them how they did it, they're just like "oh, I just wrote it" or "oh, I filmed it". And it sounds so easy, but it would be so exhausting for me. I want to write, I want to create a webseries, I want to do a podcast, I want to do so many things but... I don't? I'm too tired.

I hope you guys are understanding me right now, because I feel like this post is all over the place.

If you guys want to read or watch anything specific from me or my emotional health journey, let me know. Also, if you have advice for me, or ideas or explanation or literally anything leave them in the comments below. I'll see you later, babes! Thanks for joining me in this pity party of mine~

The Rules

• Once nominated, make a post thanking and linking your nominator's blog.

• Include the Liebster Award's sticker in the post as well (you can copy it from above).

• Nominate 10 other new bloggers that have 200 or less followers who you think are worthy of this award and include their links in your post. Also, make sure that you let them know they've been nominated by commenting on one of their posts. You can nominate the person who nominated you.

• Answer the 10 questions asked to you by your nominator (these questions should be on their post). And make 10 questions of your own for your nominees to answer.

• Finally, copy these rules onto your post.

 

Isabel's Questions

My Questions

1. Where are you from?
2. What do your friends think of your blog?
3. Favorite makeup brands?
4. Favorite part of your makeup routine?
5. Why do you blog?
6. What colors are your walls?
7. Where do you take your photos?
8. Where do you do your shopping?
9. Favorite nail color to wear?
10. Favorite blogger?

AAAAAND that's it, guys! See you soon, loves!